Discernment and Addiction: Listening for God’s voice amid our attachments

Discernment is always on my mind - it’s how we listen to God and draw close to Jesus. Without it, we’re tossed around by every wind that blows our way; with it, we’re able to catch the wind of the Spirit. It’s a gift that allows us to sense where God is leading. I’m studying discernment at the moment, and my colleague Jon is training in it, so it’s likely to come up from time to time.

This week, I’m on retreat, and Margaret Silf’s book on Ignatian spirituality has been a faithful companion (Landmarks: An Ignatian Journey - 1998, London, Darton, Longmann and Todd Ltd). Ignatius of Loyola is often called the master of discernment. I can’t count how many times a spiritual director has offered wisdom, only to say afterward, “That’s from Ignatius!” Let’s be honest, though - no one person has a monopoly on discernment. It’s a gift of the Spirit, given freely to those open to receiving it. Still, Ignatius had the courage to write about it and, with a group of friends, to shape an entire spiritual tradition - the Jesuits - around the practice of finding God in ordinary life. On the day they formally founded the order, seven of them gathered and celebrated with a picnic. I love the simplicity and joy of that moment.

Back to discernment.

Amongst many helpful topics, Silf addresses addiction and discernment in pages 141-153. At first glance, the two might seem unrelated, but discernment is precisely what helps us identify when something good has started to take a grip on our lives. Addiction isn’t always about substances or obvious compulsions; sometimes it’s about the subtle ways we cling to roles, habits, or identities that once served us but now hold us captive. Discernment gives us the spiritual insight to recognise those attachments for what they are - and the courage to trust in Jesus and loosen our grip.

In this chapter on being addicted, Silf uses a powerful image: someone hanging from a hook in mid-air, holding on with one arm. It’s painful and unsustainable. Letting go is just as painful, because it means falling. But at the bottom, Jesus is waiting with his shepherd’s crook, ready to catch us, set our feet on solid ground, and send us forward into life in all its fullness. The hook represents whatever we’re addicted to. When we release our grip, we discover freedom in Christ.

Silf poses four piercing questions:

1. Can you give the hook a name?

2. Does your happiness depend on it?

3. Are you starting to arrange your life around it?

4. Do you want to be like that?

These questions cut deep - especially the third. Like the word of God, they act as a double-edged sword, revealing the true orientation of our hearts. I don’t want to arrange my life around my addictions, yet that’s exactly what they demand: our time, our energy, our money.

Here’s where I feel exposed. I’ve noticed in myself an addiction to difficult situations - to being in the thick of it, seeing God move in forgotten places. I love adventure and long to jump in with God. That passion isn’t wrong; the calling to serve in hard places isn’t the issue. The problem arises when I feel I have to take the hardest road every time - as if my identity depends on it. That need to prove something, to be the one who can do it, becomes a hook. And over time, I’m left hanging by one arm, exhausted. That’s where sin creeps in. What began as a calling morphs into compulsion.

I’ve learned so much on the path I’ve walked, and I’ve truly felt God’s hand in it. But what if God’s inviting me into something new? A different direction? A new way to express the gifts the Spirit has given me? Will I keep gripping the hook, crafting my identity around being the one who braves the hard path? Or will I let go, trusting God to shape a new path? How much of this is calling - and how much is addiction?

This is where discernment becomes vital. Discernment helps us distinguish between a God-given call and an unhealthy attachment. It invites us to ask whether what we’ve built our lives around is still leading us closer to Jesus - or whether it’s begun to pull us away. The questions Silf poses are a powerful tool to help us draw that line.

I think many of us shape our identities around something that, while once good, has become a source of dependence. Knowing our call is beautiful - but there’s a fine line between calling and addiction. Discernment helps us locate that line. Is what we’re building our lives around healthy and Spirit-led? Or is it a false anchor?

Addiction is an honest word - it doesn’t pretend. It shows us what we lean on, where we’re tethered. But if the word feels too strong, maybe we can ask: What am I shaping my life around? Many of these things are good in the right measure - but when they become central, they distort.

So, here’s the invitation: Take a moment this week to ask the Spirit, what are my hooks? And then, in that same breath, let God remind you that Jesus is your good Shepherd, ready to catch you, steady you, and guide you forward into life in all its fullness.

Jo Allen

Joint CEO, Rural Ministries